What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
