Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i believe in u and ur pee
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
