ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
