she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
