i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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