So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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