talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
