I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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