i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We need a shit load of segways right now
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
