Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
