i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
