Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
