if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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