If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize