i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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