So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have tasted many bathrooms
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
