i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
