i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
