I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
