you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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