I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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