my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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