well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
