Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
this boner is exhausting
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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