Even the bartender felt bad for me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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