no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
