Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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