There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
