dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
