Sry I called you an 8
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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