Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
