I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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