who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
