I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
