I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i barfeds in our rink
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
