maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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