FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
