oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
