he puts the penis in happiness.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
