Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
