Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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