you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
