I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
