He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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