I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
