actually, I'm a sock model
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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