Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
