If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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