she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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