Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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