what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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