so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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