I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
