My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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