summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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