no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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