so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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