Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
