my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I need a burrito and a hug.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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