My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Someone came in the potted fern
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
