don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
