i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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