i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
