I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
