Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
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I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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