I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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