I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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