I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
