If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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