this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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