My nipple is on Facebook.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
