I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
