I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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